She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
