Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
