your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
