Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Holy sore nipples Batman
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
