Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
