If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
