I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
