sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
