She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
