i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
