I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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