I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
