Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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