I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
