So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
