someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
