so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
