My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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