apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
