apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
