I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
