This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She's the barista slut.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
