Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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