i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
