and you said cock pushups were impossible
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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