He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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