I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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