So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
