whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
