is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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