I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
