She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
