dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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