My hand turned me down
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
