when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
