Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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