mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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