My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
