; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
