turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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