You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just gargled with NyQuil
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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