i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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