He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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