She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Its about making memories worth repressing
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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