he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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