I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
