i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
