im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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