My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
