that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You're a waste of cheezeits
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
