Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
