It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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