if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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