He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
