Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I am full of burrito and curiosity
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My breasts were aching with rage.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
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