i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
