Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
