I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
