ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
